just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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