Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
