If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
