You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I forget how to act sober
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
