He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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