I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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