even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
