Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
