I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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