if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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