Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
