Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
