Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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