What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
