Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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