well I can't set my house on fire every night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
