We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
