I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
