im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
