Whod you bang
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
