i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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