Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
