Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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