This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
