please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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