I hate all girls vehemently.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The Olympian is in my bed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
