yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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