Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
