Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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