my being single is dangerous.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
