YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
