what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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