dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
