She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
