I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
