I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
