By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
