did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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