One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
