I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
