Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
