if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
