dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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