no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
