Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
