and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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