he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
