It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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