worst night to have a conscience
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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