dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
