I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
