Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
