you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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