I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
