just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
