I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
