I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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