a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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